FROM THE ARCHIVES: Ahmadinejad works out for Saints at QB

Good thing Drew Brees turned it around after his early-season struggles, or the Saints and their fans might be cheering for Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Not that he still wouldn’t have been able to beat the Falcons…

NEW ORLEANS, LA — The New Orleans Saints, struggling for an offensive spark that can propel the team into the win column, admitted today that they worked out Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad late on Tuesday, at the conclusion of the Iranian president’s visit to the United States.

Ahmadinejad, who appeared throughout New York City and gave a series of vitriolic speeches Monday that questioned the Holocaust, the accuracy of reports about 9/11, and the principles of democracy as a whole, spoke to the United Nations Tuesday morning. Following that, he flew to New Orleans and worked out for the Saints at the Superdome before taking an evening flight back to Tehran.

“The workout went well,” Ahmadinejad said. “I feel like I could come in and contribute. My passing was a little rusty, having not done it since the beginning of time, and being from a place that they don’t play sports where people throw. But they said that I’m only a little bit behind the other guys that they have in passing, and that the rest of my skills make up for it.”

The Saints had Ahmadinejad participate in the shuttle run, run a 40-yard dash (8.4), and bench press 225 lbs (0 reps). “Look, this guy is not a quality athlete,” Saints coach Sean Payton said. “He’s not fast. He does not have a strong arm. He does not have an accurate arm. He has some leadership experience, but the value of that has to be questioned, since firearms are not allowed on the field in the NFL. I do feel like he’d provide a spark to our team, what with his hatred of America and all, but I’m just not sure if he’s a good fit.”

Ahmadinejad informed reporters that he may have difficulty obtaining a U.S. work permit, and also that pending international crises and his status as the leader of a rogue state may make playing in the NFL a logistical impossibility.

“I’d certainly like to get my hands on him,” said Jevon ‘Israel’ Kearse, of the Philadelphia Eagles. “Do a little bit of my own kind of diplomacy, if you know what I’m saying.”

The Saints were keeping quiet about their plans on Wednesday morning. “I’m not sure what direction we’re going to go,” Payton said. “There were a lot of people there who certainly did not want to have anything to do with this guy. I’m not sure he’s the right face for our franchise.”

Nevertheless, Ahmadinejad was optimistic. “They weren’t saying boo,” he said. “They were saying ‘MahMOOOOUUUUUDDDDDD.’”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!