FCC declares Fukudome offensive, not suitable for television

CHICAGO, IL — The Chicago Cubs were more than thrilled when prized Japanese free agent Kosuke Fukudome accepted a four-year, $48 million offer to play for everyone’s favorite lovable losers. All excitement, however, ceased when the Federal Communications Commission declared the name Fukudome indecent material and prohibited the name - and thereby the player - from appearing on any future television or radio broadcasts. This FCC declaration, released only minutes after yesterday’s press conference introducing Fukudome to Cub fans, is a crushing blow to a team expecting a revenue boost from the sale of Fukudome merchandise and to a massive fan base that now includes Japan. The FCC reached the decision to ban Fukudome after receiving three hand-written letters voicing concern for the kind of effect the name could have on children. Cubs brass were quick to respond, and an online vote will offer fans three choices to select from to help decide on a replacement name. Although not finalized, the preliminary choices are Hee-Seop Choi, Kosuke Sandberg and Jim Smith.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!