Anna Benson still acting like she’s famous

FREDERICK, MD — It was just a normal Wednesday night for the staff at the Frederick Applebee’s – that is, until Hurricane Anna arrived.

At approximately 8 pm, Anna Benson and her husband – sometime major league baseball player Kris Benson – arrived at this Applebee’s location and demanded a seat. When informed that they’d have to wait 30-45 minutes, Anna Benson exploded.

“Do you know who I am?” she screamed at the hostess, 19-year-old Kristi McGee, a student at Frederick Community College. When McGee answered that she did not, Benson became enraged.

“I’m Anna Freaking Benson,” she exclaimed. “I’m married to Kris Benson, Major Leaguer, number one overall pick! HOW do you not know this?”

McGee, embarrassed at her lack of knowledge, quickly went to get her manager – avid Orioles fan Stan Anderson.

However, Anderson did not recognize either of the Bensons, and further escalated the situation by asking Anna Benson, “Wait, do you mean that you’re married to Jeremy Guthrie?”

According to reports, Anna Benson still firmly believes that she’s famous, and has been traveling the Baltimore metropolitan area demanding all manner of special treatment. In the past week, she has reportedly demanded that a Guess store stay open late to accommodate her; that a traffic ticket be revoked due to the enormous amount of money her family has brought to Baltimore’s economy; and that she be allowed to park in a handicapped spot due to her husband’s recent arm surgery.

“The bottom line is that people in this community do not know how to handle celebrities,” she said. “It’s no wonder that nobody likes coming here. At least in New York they realized how important we were. Here, we get treated like we’re just a crazy lady and a washed-up big leaguer, and that’s unacceptable to me.”

According to reports, the ever-outspoken Anna Benson is so bothered by her family’s mistreatment that the Bensons are threatening to move to Tampa, Florida, where Kris may become a member of the Rays.

“We are just going to punish the people of Baltimore,” Anna said. “I think Kris will probably decide to be a middle reliever in the future. So, Orioles fans, don’t even think about your team getting any hits in the sixth and seventh innings of games where there’s a differential of more than six runs. Don’t even freaking think about it, because it’s not gonna happen. The Bensons will rise again.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!