Wallace scores twice in four-hour workout

CHICAGO, IL –- Former NBA defensive player of the year Ben Wallace struggled with his shooting early Friday in a four-hour solo workout. The defensive standout has long been an offensive liability, but his recent workout left Chicago assistant coach Ron Adams speechless.

“To be honest, I’ve never seen anything like it,” Adams admitted, shaking his head. “It was supposed to be a two-hour workout, but we had to extend the practice because Ben wouldn’t leave until he made a shot.”

While statistics are rarely taken during individual workouts, Bulls ball boy Adam Ellison gave SSNN the lowdown on Ben’s disappointing day.

“He missed all two-hundred free throws he took,” Ellison said. “He was 0-for-75 on ten foot jumpers from the right side, and 0-for-90 on ten foot jumpers from the left. He missed all his layups. Coach Adams was so exhausted, he just told him to dunk it so they could go home. That’s where the two baskets came from.”

Wallace, who is shooting under 33% from the field this year, refused to comment on the practice but was reportedly furious after teammates laughed at him for failing to convert on any of his free throws or layups. Coach Scott Skiles had little sympathy for his star – “if I knew he was gonna stink even worse this year, I never would have let him wear the headband.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!