Spencer from The Hills makes anti-fantasy football comments, solidifies title as ‘biggest douche ever’

HOLLYWOOD HILLS, CA — Spencer Pratt, long established as the biggest douche in modern America, has reportedly clinched the title as biggest douche in human history after making a series of reportedly anti-fantasy football comments late Sunday.

Pratt is one of the stars of MTV’s The Hills, a scripted reality show about the life of a series of sometimes friends in one of Los Angeles’s trendiest areas. Pratt, spotted at Le Deux night club, which he frequents with his fiance Heidi Montag, was overheard making his negative comments after his team, The Hollywood Hills 69ers, suffered a humiliating 118.77 to 33.19 defeat and was officially eliminated from playoff contention at 1-8.

“Fantasy football is lame, and it’s for losers,” Pratt told an onlooker who informed him of the defeat (Pratt, who started the season 1-3, has not set his lineup in five weeks and had Cedric Benson and the Bears defense both starting).

“I mean, who has time to sit around in front of a computer all day long, checking their team, watching football on TV?” said Pratt, who is unemployed. “I gots things … t’do! I gots places … t’be! I gots peoples … t’see! I can’t be wasting my time with fantasy.”

To make matters worse for Pratt, the defeat came at the hands of Brody Jenner, son of former Olympian Bruce Jenner and Pratt’s ex-best friend due to Brody’s budding re-relationship with Pratt’s arch-enemy, Lauren Conrad. Jenner’s Tecmo Nation defeated Pratt’s team in glorious fashion, complete with an ultimate act of hubris–leaving the FLEX position unmanned.

“Dude, my team is so sick right now, that I don’t even need a flex, fool!” Jenner was overheard stating late Sunday. “I just give the ball to Adrian Peterson and let him run run run! If the San Diego Chargers can’t stop AP, how the hell is Spencer Pratt gonna stop him? The Chargers have Shawne Merriman. Spencer has Heidi. I like my chances.”

The problems with Pratt in the fantasy league started almost at the beginning of the year. According to reports, Pratt, who is playing fantasy football for the first time, showed up late to the draft, had to borrow a magazine, repeatedly complained about the lack of strippers, and then attempted to draft Larry Fitzgerald with his final pick, only to be informed that the Cardinals wide receiver had indeed been selected in the second round, 14th overall.

The title of biggest douche in human history does not come with any medals or other sorts of accolades, and is not even appointed by a formal committee. However, a quick public review indicates that this latest series of events easily clinches the title for Pratt.

“Pratt was pretty close to begin with,” said John Martinez, 24, international chair of the douche selection committee. “His consistently douche-y behavior vis a vis friendship, relationships, work, and pretty much everything that men think is important was enough to get him close. But this latest, unprovoked assault on something so pure, so defenseless, so honest as fantasy football–well there’s just one word for that sort of behavior. And that word is ‘douche.’”

Pratt did not relent.

“Like I said, earlier, fantasy football is lame, and it’s not for cool dudes like me,” Pratt said. “It’s for losers who have nothing better to do with their lives. And I, not being a loser, am not in that category, and so I will not choose to participate.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!