Sonics fans form human wall around city to prevent team’s move to Oklahoma City

SEATTLE, WA — In an attempt to save their beloved Sonics, Seattle basketball fans have begun to form a human wall around the city, to stop the team’s owner from moving them to Oklahoma City.

“We’ve got volunteers stationing themselves to the North at Shoreline and the South at Seatac. From there we’ll form an impenetrable circle surrounding the city,” human wall organizer Casey Schoolcraft told reporters.

Shortly after buying the Sonics from Starbucks founder Howard Schultz last year, owner Clay Bennett told the media he had no intention of moving the team. However, just last week, Bennett notified the NBA that he would move the team to Oklahoma City in the near future.

“You can’t just lie like that. If Bennett thinks he can just waltz out of here with the Sonics, he’s got another thing coming,” Sonics fan Noah Taylor told SSNN.

There is ample reason to believe that the wall will work, with Seattle having a long history of civil disobedience with positive results. For example, the World Trade Organization protests of several years ago established a strong base of knowledge that the city’s residents can use to make this particular human wall impenetrable.

“Plus, we have a huge advantage on this human wall,” said Schoolcraft. “Our team’s best player, Kevin Durant… well, quite simply, we don’t believe that he’ll be able to break through our wall. He simply lacks the physical strength to get through two human beings firmly holding hands. We think that he might have a chance to jump over it, but he’s sure as hell not going to be able to get through it. So even if they are able to get most of the team away, Durant is here to stay.”

Seattle law enforcement has begun to take precautions to maintain public safety in case the human wall is broken. “I’m real curious as to how strong that wall is,” said Seattle Police Chief Gil Kerlikowske. “The hippies are going to come out in full force to keep the Sonics here.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!