Patriots to sim rest of season on Madden ‘08

FOXBORO, MA — At his press conference on Monday, New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick announced the team will simulate the rest of the season using the Madden ‘08 engine.

“It’s a no-brainer for us,” said Belichick. “We already have nine wins, and even with the AI coaching the rest of our games we’ll go at worst 2-5. That puts us at 11-5, safely in the playoffs, probably with a first-round bye.”

Belichick said the NFL league office has already agreed to the Patriots’ request, on the condition that they stop running up the score on teams. Commissioner Roger Goodell said the league is looking into one small complaint before finalizing the simulation.

“We have received a complaint that Belichick has edited some of his players’ ratings,” Goodell said. “The Patriots claimed they built up Randy Moss’ rating to 107 in training camp mode, but other teams have their doubts about that.”

Uncharacteristically, not all of the Patriots players are fully supportive of the idea. Most notably, Tom Brady has said he is against Operation Sim.

“I get it, I mean we haven’t really practiced in like three weeks,” Brady said. “But I want that touchdown record, and unless coach turns up our AI pass slider to 70 or 80 percent, I think I’m gonna get screwed by this whole thing.”

To placate Brady, Belichick has indicated that he’ll allow the quarterback to employ a special cheat to let him sim sex with a multitude of new supermodels.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!