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BRONX, NY — Arnold Pencarne, an occult/memorabilia expert from the Bronx area, claims that if the Red Sox break the Curse of the Bambino a third time, it could result in the rise from the grave of the late, great Babe Ruth.
The Curse refers to the Boston Red Sox’s inability to win a World Series, beginning with their trade of Babe Ruth to the New York Yankees in 1919; meanwhile, the Yankees won 26 World Series. The Sox managed to break the curse originally in ‘04, and then won the series again in the most recent Series against the Rockies. This is a cause for concern, said Pencarne.
“This is a disgrace, an abomination – don’t they know what’s at stake? The Red sox can’t win another series, they can’t, or the Bambino will return to destroy us all,” said Pencarne in an interview conducted at his Voodoo/Trading Card store, “Voodoo for You, Too.”
According to Pencarne, a Yankee fan, the Curse kept the disgraced spirit of the Babe out of our world, but modern baseball realities have put that tenuous arrangement in jeopardy. “Look, every team is supposed to have its place in the sport, and Boston was always the cursed but lovable underdog that fails when it matters most. What was wrong with that? Everyone loves a cute loser. But no, they had to go and spend millions on free agents, and run the organization properly, and now doom is upon us! A salary cap and league parity could have saved us, but now it’s too late. Too late.”
Pencarne has been an expert sports occultist for over fifteen years, and has performed Voodoo on professional athletes using their trading cards as effigies. However, he would not divulge the name of any player affected by his efforts.
“Basketball, football, hockey, all the outcomes have been influenced by what happens here behind my counter on top of the unsold NHL trading card boxes. Using deflated balls and donkey spit, I have even managed to keep the soccer menace out of America,” Pencarne insisted. “But this is the biggest challenge yet, and some little pins on David Ortiz’s deluxe trading card will not stop it – the Babe is coming back.”
A possible return of the Bambino would change the world as we know it, Pencarne claims. “If the Babe comes back, it is only to fulfill his greatest wish, the one thing that keeps his spirit tied to this world, and that is to manage the New York Yankees. A zombie manager would surely set the Yankees’ prospects back for years, and the world needs its Yankees to have high hopes. A dark age is about to set, my many friends and confidants.” [Ed. Note: This comment was particularly bizarre, given that this article's scribe was the only (living) person in the room with Mr. Pencarne at the time.]
Pencarne refused to comment on what the spirit might have in store for newly appointed Yankees manager, Joe Girardi, offering only sobs and a wide-eyed look of incredible fear.
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Labels: Babe Ruth, Bambino, Boston Red Sox, Curse, Curse of the Bambino, David Ortiz, Joe Girardi, MLB, New York Yankees, voodoo, World Series, zombie
Posted on November 7th, 2007
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