New “deal” forces Rodriguez family to tighten purse strings

NEW YORK, NY — Alex Rodriguez’s desire to stay with the New York Yankees with a new, 10-year, $280 million contract has forced his family to make some tough choices as they plan their future.

“There’s not as much money as we’d planned for,” Cynthia Rodriguez admitted to SSNN. “Scott Boras promised us $350 million, at least. And now Alex goes and makes a deal for just $280 million? How does that make sense? Someone has to pay for that one.”

That someone is Alex Rodriguez. According to Cynthia, after a long talk Alex agreed to give up strippers, dining out, and the purchase of new shoes for the next three years, to cover the $70 million he left on the table by circumnavigating Boras in the negotiation process.

“Cynthia is right,” Alex said. “I have been spending a lot of money on strippers and dining out and new shoes in the past, and I think that now is probably the best time for me to set a positive example for my family by making some tough choices. Cynthia told me I have to cut something out - either it was going to be the personal trainer, or it was going to be the strippers. I decided to do the right thing and cut out the personal trainer. After all, there are luxuries and there are necessities; and you have to make the call at some point.”

Apparently, A-Rod didn’t want to make any cutbacks in his lifestyle, but Cynthia forced his hand. “He tried to convince me that the incentives in the deal were reachable, and that he wouldn’t have to cut anything out,” Cynthia said. “Incentives, shmincentives - that’s what I say. No more personal trainer, big guy! Mommy needs to eat!”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!