NASCAR to provide Jeff Gordon with ‘Jeff Gordon’ bonus

PHOENIX, AZ — In a bizarre twist to an already exciting chase for the NASCAR Nextel Cup Series championship, NASCAR officials have announced that they’ll be giving Jeff Gordon a 50 point bonus early Saturday, which will allow him to take over first place in the NCS Series standings before this weekend’s Chase race at Phoenix Motor Speedway.

With two races to go, Gordon currently trails teammate and defending NCS champ Jimmie Johnson by 30 points. But all of that is about to change, as NASCAR is planning on awarding Gordon a special bonus for his committment to the sport over the years.

“Look, it’s Jeff Gordon,” said Brian France, NASCAR’s head honcho. “How are you gonna argue with giving an award of points to Jeff Gordon? That’s un-American!”

Some, however, felt that it might give Gordon an unfair advantage. “I mean, Jimmie took the lead fair and square,” said Martha Mintson, 44, a data entry clerk from Albuquerque. “And now you are just going to give the 24 car a free pass to go right ahead of him? I’m not sure it’s in the best interests of competition.”

Gordon said he’ll graciously accept the award. “Look, it’s a dogfight out there, and every bit helps,” he told SSNN. “You can go out and race hard and try and win every race, but that doesn’t happen. Or you can just be Jeff Gordon, and get the occasional and well-timed 50 point bonus. There’s lots of ways to win this thing.”