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Marion Jones’ name to be removed from phone book, high school yearbook and family tree

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AUSTIN, TX — As further punishment for her use of performance-enhancing drugs and the constant denials that followed, fallen track star Marion Jones has seen a number of entities join the International Olympic Committee and USA Track and Field in expunging her name from their record books. The Yellow Pages was the first company to announce Jones’ removal – the company has sent out a letter to all subscribers with a black magic marker included so Yellow Pages users can cross Jones’ name out until the next Yellow Pages book arrives. Jones’ high school has offered to replace the page featuring Jones’ picture with a picture of the school’s mascot. A spokesperson told SSNN that, “At least we know that every time Johnny Banks climbed into that costume, he was cheering clean.” Jones’ own family has also gotten into the act, literally taking an eraser to her name on the Jones Family Tree that sits on the wall of the family patriarch’s living room. SSNN sources also indicate that a New York Deli will be removing her name from a sandwich, most tattoo parlors are offering a refund to anyone who had her name inked on their bodies, and two men’s rooms in her hometown (Austin, Texas) have had all references to her on the walls scrubbed off. At press time, her dry cleaner still had a signed photo on his “Wall of Fame,” but was reportedly considering putting a red asterisk in the picture’s upper right corner.

Submitted by a member of ijoke.tv.

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Posted on November 30th, 2007

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