KU and Mizzou set to battle for BCS title berth, bragging rights, tractors

KANSAS CITY, KS — The heated rivalry between sworn enemies Kansas and Missouri became even hotter on Friday as local alumni bet fifty tractors on their respective teams.

“This one’s for all the marbles,” KU fan Jeff Stingley told SSNN. “We got braggin’ rights, the Big 12 title game, national championship implications and a fleet of John Deeres on the line. Rock Chalk, baby!”

While the storied rivalry between the two schools (known as the Border War) is always the highlight of the year for alumni, fans and students, never has so much been on the line for one game. Ranked number two and four respectively, a win on Saturday places the victor in the thick of the BCS title hunt, especially after first-ranked LSU’s upset loss to Arkansas.

“We’re gonna kick the shit outta Kansas,” Mizzou alum Jake Snyder screamed. “And then we’re gonna drive them tractors from Kansas City through Lawrence giving the one fingered salute. Go Tigers!”

The much-anticipated matchup between two of the most exciting offenses in the nation is now sure to result in more than bragging rights going to the victors. Many of the men who so cavalierly wagered farm vehicles on the contest will be counting on a win to make ends meet.

“I gots fields of corns that need tendin’ to,” one Jayhawk fan told SSNN, on the condition that we did not print his name or mention the bet to his wife. “If I get another tractor, I could finish harvesting my crops in half the time -– then again, if I lose my tractor I got no idea how we’ll make up for it. This is the big enchilada, yes sir.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!