Kevin Garnett spends four hours at Boston DMV in “own personal hell”

BOSTON, MA — Describing the day as his “own personal nightmare” and the “worst morning of his life,” Kevin Garnett missed Tuesday’s practice after spending over four hours at a Boston area DMV trying to get a new and updated driver’s license.

“I woke up this morning and I thought, ‘Maybe I will just go grab my license today,” Garnett said. “Huge mistake. I thought it would be easy, but my God, it was awful.”

Garnett’s day of trouble started almost immediately. “I got there at 9 am, which is when it opened,” Garnett said. “But there were already people out the door. So by the time I got a ticket, I was ticket number 178. They were only on number 102, so I looked around for a book or magazine.”

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Unfortunately for Garnett, DMVs in Boston no longer carry magazines or books, due to rampant theft. “I am not sure how they roll in the twin cities,” said Roger Marshall, spokesperson for the Massachusetts DMV. “But here in the Commonwealth, we don’t want our DMVs to be like modern-day barbershops. We don’t want people hanging around and talking all day. Get in, get out, you know?”

Garnett’s number was finally called at 10:37. “That’s when things really got crazy,” he said. First, they wouldn’t believe that I am 6′10″, like it says on my Minny license. So they wanted to measure me. Fine. But their little piece of tape on the wall only went up to like 6′6″ or something, so I waited there by the wall for like a half hour while they looked for a ruler.”

Once Garnett was properly measured, all he had to do was provide identification, be photographed and wait for his license.

“Seems simple enough,” he said. “But I made a big mistake. They said to bring a proof of address with me, so on my way out of the house, I grabbed my paystub. Anyway, when I gave it to them, instead of just looking at the address, they all looked to see how much money I made, and then they started calling over their co-workers. They kept saying, ‘Hey, LaShonda, check this out, this guy makes over a million and a half dollars every two weeks!’ And stuff like that. I tried to them that the Celtics only pay us once a month, so I really only make that much per month, but they weren’t listening. It was really annoying.”

Ultimately, Garnett had his paperwork approved, but when he went to pay his $24 fee, the credit card machine was broken. When Garnett began to complain, the teller simply pointed to an 8.5 by 11 piece of paper on the door, on which “Cash only today” had been hastily scrawled.

“Luckily, some nice young girl loaned me the twenty four bucks,” KG said. “After that I was pretty much done. I got my license picture taken, even though it cut off the top of my head in the picture, and then I got my license. Four hours and 15 minutes. What a day.”

All told, though, Garnett said the experience ended up being okay. “I mean, it took a long time, but it takes time to get good things, right?” he said. “My smile is a little funky though. I think they might have snapped the picture on two.”