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News Item

Joe Thomas has an enormous vocabulary

CLEVELAND, OH — Reports from Cleveland indicate that rookie left tackle Joe Thomas has received widespread acclaim throughout the Browns organization, not just for his pancake blocks and solid pass protection, but also for an amazing command of the English language.

“Joe’s vocabulary is really enormous,” said Browns head coach Romeo Crennel. “The other day I asked him if he was ready to go for this weekend’s big game, and he told me that the ‘Steelers’ trepidation was palpable.’ I mean, I know the dude went to Wisconsin, and that’s a good school, but come on.”

Apparently, Thomas’s vocabulary is constantly being expanded by his religious use of the Dictionary.com Word of the Day feature.

“I subscribed to the ‘Word of the Day’ several years ago,” Thomas said. “It’s pretty interesting, it’s filled not only with the definitions of the words but also with some nice accoutrements that really imbue the reader with a sense of the word’s etymology. It’s wonderful.”

Thomas’ commitment to knowledge has caused some problems, though.

“Well, first of all, he can’t really talk trash to anyone; at least not effectively,” said wide receiver Braylon Edwards. “Half the time people don’t know what he’s saying. The other day he told Ray Lewis that he was ‘execrable,’ and Ray just looked at him like he was a moron. I mean, if the other person doesn’t know you’re making fun of them, are you really talking trash?”

Thomas has been encouraged by Browns management and teammates alike to dumb it down a bit.

“I keep telling him, you have to watch what you say,” said Kellen Winslow, Jr. “People listen to us, so you have to use some discretion. I wish he’d learn something from my mistakes, you know?”

Unfortunately, despite his best efforts, Thomas is having trouble meeting the requests of the Browns.

“Sometimes, he gives people compliments, and they don’t understand what he’s saying, so they think he’s insulting them,” said Derek Anderson. “He told me the other day that my ‘ethereal talents portend prodigious accomplishments in my nascent career.’ I thought he was saying that I sucked, so I punched him. Turns out he was basically saying, ‘The future is bright.’ I don’t know why he couldn’t just say that.”

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Labels: AFC, AFC North, Baltimore Ravens, Braylon Edwards, Cleveland Browns, Derek Anderson, Dictionary, english, Joe Thomas, Kellen Winslow, Kellen Winslow Jr., Pittsburgh Steelers, Romeo Crennel, University of Wisconsin, vocabulary, Wisconsin Badgers

Posted on November 26th, 2007

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Other Related News Items

• Brady Quinn receiving special protection from Joe Thomas (August 31, 2007)
• Thomas absolutely wrecking Edwards in WordTwist on Facebook (August 29, 2008)
• Derek Anderson has had “The Mighty Quinn” stuck in his head for weeks (October 13, 2007)
• Thomas gets New York ‘Day’ (March 22, 2007)

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