Holtz pep talk forces ESPN to replace cameras

BRISTOL, CT — ESPN got more than it bargained for last week when the network was forced to replace over $300,000 worth of camera equipment after analyst Lou Holtz performed one of his renowned locker room pep talks. The legendary head coach has long suffered from a speech impediment which often results in mass amounts of saliva being projected when talking. “We were hoping to get through the season before replacing the cameras,” ESPN College Game Day producer Mark Gross told SSNN. “But the amount of liquid that Lou spews on the cameras can be overwhelming, and after last week’s pep talk to Kansas, the cameras just couldn’t take anymore.” Holtz joined ESPN in 2005 after a long and illustrious coaching career that included stints at Notre Dame, Arkansas and the New York Jets. Executives at the network were unfazed by the incident, as the cameras were insured. “We took a policy out on the cameras for water damage when we brought Lou in. One of his assistants lost an eye at South Carolina, so we just wanted to make sure all our bases were covered,” ESPN president George Bodenheimer said. “We love Lou and are thrilled to have him on the ESPN team.” Bodenheimer went on to comment that it is unclear at this time whether ESPN will continue the Holtz locker room pep talks for the bowl season.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!