Grossman optimistic about promotion to closer

OAKLAND, CA — Oft-maligned quarterback Rex Grossman found reason for optimism in his recent promotion to closer for the Chicago Bears. “I think this move strengthens our team as a whole. I can tell you honestly that at this point in my career, my game is better suited for relief.” Grossman, who replaced injured quarterback Brian Griese in the second half of Sunday’s contest against the Oakland Raiders, completed a 59-yard touchdown pass to Bernard Berrian late in the fourth quarter to secure a much-needed victory for the defending NFC champions. Coach Lovie Smith agreed with Grossman’s self-analysis and echoed the former starter’s optimism: “Rex really came in and closed the door for us today. I think some of his troubles have been the result of teams seeing his stuff over the course of four quarters. If we can limit his exposure, I think we’re a better team overall.” When asked if the team was considering the possibility of converting Kyle Orton to a middle reliever, General Manager Jerry Angelo refused to comment.

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It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!