Griese, Grossman, Orton to form QuarterBear

CHICAGO, IL — In the wake of yet another change at the starting quarterback position for the Chicago Bears, the team has announced that the three competing signal callers – Rex Grossman, Brian Griese and Kyle Orton – have formed a band that will begin playing weekly gigs at the Double Door in Chicago as soon as Thanksgiving week.

“It’s kind of about the bonding,” said Griese, the most experienced of the group. “And what’s really cool about it is that we sort of all play all the instruments. I mean, we’re a pretty standard rock power trio, but we can just rotate roles, you know? Like, none of us is any better at any one instrument.”

Though none of the three have any formal musical training, they all seem comfortable with their roles in the group, which is tentatively called QuarterBear. Grossman in particular seemed confident that he could get the job done.

“Listen, I know I’m a great musician,” Rex told reporters during open locker room Thursday morning. “Have I ever taken lessons? No – not on guitar, bass or drums. But I know that if I just focus to the best of my abilities, I can avoid turning it over— er, I mean, I can hit all the necessary notes, or drum bangs, or whatever.”

Griese is the most experienced of the three, having taught himself to play the guitar over the last couple years. Orton is the most unproven, but does offer a lot of potential.

“The problem for me is that I haven’t actually gotten to play any of the instruments yet,” Orton told SSNN. “It’s hard to transport the drum set, and Griese and Grossman keep just trading their guitars back and forth. I mean, I’ve been keeping time banging these two butter knives on the table in the meeting room, but it’s hard to know how that will translate to an actual set of drums. And the closest I’ve gotten to the hammer is Guitar Hero.”

For his part, Bears head coach – and QuarterBear manager – Lovie Smith is just glad his QBs are working together – “Rex is our lead singer right now, and we expect the other two guys to work as a team to back him up. But if we switch and go with Brian, or Kyle, we know Rex will slide into that backup role and support whoever we name as the front man.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!