Dolphins to start contest winner at quarterback

MIAMI, FL –- Injuries and lack of fan interest have forced the Miami Dolphins to take drastic measures in their search for a starting quarterback. Late Friday, team officials announced that they will hold a contest to determine the starting QB for this week’s game against the Eagles.

“It’s been a trying year for the Dolphins organization,” Miami GM Randy Mueller told reporters at a recent press conference. “We’ve decided to try something new to mix things up.”

The contest will consist of various performance analysis tests along with Dolphins trivia, an obstacle course and a scavenger hunt. The winner of the contest will be anointed the new Dolphins quarterback.

“It’s ridiculous,” Dolphins rookie QB John Beck told SSNN. “I’ve worked my butt off in practice, they say I’m gonna start and then they come out with this crap? It’s embarrassing.”

While Beck and some of the other players were annoyed by the announcement, Dolphin fans were giddy with anticipation. “I’ve been a fan of the Fins since I was twelve,” 14-year-old David Thomas wrote on the Miami message board. “I really think I can win this!”

The contest will take place on Saturday so that Miami coaches can familiarize the new quarterback with the offense.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!