Devil exercises option, Miles must move to Ann Arbor

BATON ROUGE, LA — In agreement with a contract signed in 2005, rumors have surfaced that Satan has exercised his option with Les Miles, thereby forcing the LSU coach to move to Ann Arbor, Michigan, though he does not currently have an offer to replace Lloyd Carr as the Wolverines head coach.

Karl Rove, currently a spokesperson for the Dark Angel, told reporters that Miles’ behavior this season at LSU is largely responsible for Satan’s decision to move him.

“Coach Miles was getting just a little too big for his britches,” Rove said. “First he called out USC and the Pac 10 for no reason, then he complained about the SEC being too hard. Satan basically just said ‘enough is enough.’ It was time for a change. If he’s not going to be grateful for the hand we dealt him, we’ll send him to Ann Arbor without a job. Whether Michigan’s AD wants to hire Les or not is up to him.”

Critics of Miles were surprised when LSU hired him after an inconsistent stint at Oklahoma State that included being on the losing end of two of the biggest chokes in college football history, so the coach’s deal with the Devil answers a lot of questions. Michigan athletic director Brian Wickstrom has yet to announce Carr’s replacement, though many believe Miles to be at the top of the list.

“I’m not sure who Les Miles thinks he is,” the Devil told SSNN. “I gave the guy the chance of a lifetime at LSU. Saban had that team running on all cylinders. For Miles to not only complain but fail to go undefeated with that lineup is inexcusable.

“I want Les to go to Ann Arbor and think about his behavior. If he doesn’t get the job, it will eat him alive. If he does get the job, Tressel will run circles around him. Either way, this will show old Les who’s boss. Watch your mouth Pete Carroll, I’m not fucking around.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!