Celtics beat Knicks by 45; Boston fans disgusted

BOSTON, MA — The Boston Celtics, wanting to make a statement about their ability to contend in the NBA East this year, narrowly beat the New York Knicks by 45 points Thursday evening, leaving local fans disgusted.

The Celtics won by a score of 104-59, behind solid play from their big three of Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce, and Ray Allen, who combined for 50 points.

“This makes me sick,” said Roger McConnell, 29, a lifelong Bostonian who presently lives in South Boston. “They didn’t even double the Knicks’ score. I mean, what sort of team can’t even double up on their opponents? That’s like the Patriots winning a game 28-14. God, would that suck.”

Pierce was defensive of the performance.

“I mean, we put up 50 points, just the three of us,” he said. “We almost beat the Knicks without having any teammates get involved. We’re 12-2. I’m not sure what more they want from us.”

The Celtics, who have become almost instant contenders for the NBA title with their new super-team, are still having trouble adjusting to a new era of fan expectations.

“It used to be that if we all wore the same jerseys, the fans were happy here,” said Scot Pollard. “It’s not like that any more.”

“You’re damn right it’s not like that anymore,” McConnell said. “It really makes me sick how easy these guys take it whenever it suits them. I mean, let me ask you something - you think Tom Brady would be happy with 12-2? You think you get to nail Brazilian supermodels if you only win by 45? That’s what I thought.”

SSNN’s Full Coverage of the Boston Celtics
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Kevin Garnett spends four hours at Boston DMV in “own personal hell”	Pierce: new Celtics “too intense”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!