Callahan returns to Lincoln to find home sold, bags packed

LINCOLN, NE — After the Nebraska Cornhuskers football team suffered their worst loss in school history on Saturday – to Kansas – head coach Bill Callahan returned to his Lincoln home to find a sold sign in the lawn and all his bags already packed. “It was the craziest thing,” Callahan told SSNN. “At first I thought it was just a prank, but I called the realtor and my bank and they said the house was bought for three times what I paid for it. Guess I’m just lucky.” Callahan arrived at Nebraska with high expectations after leading the Oakland Raiders to the Super Bowl. Unfortunately, a new offensive philosophy coupled with a porous defense has led to one disappointing season after another for the once-storied program. “The faster Callahan gets the hell out of Lincoln, the better,” Nebraska booster Tim Mckee said. “The house is sold, we boxed up his stuff for him – all he needs to do is tell us where he wants to go and it will be taken care of.” It’s unclear how long Callahan will remain in Nebraska, but inside sources reveal an announcement regarding his firing is expected shortly.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!