Yankee Stadium ticket scanners link future to Torre

BRONX, NY — The Yankees seemingly insurmountable level of disarray just got worse, with a dedicated group of ticket-takers now announcing they are going to pursue other options as a result of the departure of Joe Torre as manager.

“I just can’t really see myself accepting tickets with anyone else at the helm of this team,” said Juan Martinez, 43, who has been collecting tickets at the stadium for eleven years. “Joe is like a father to me, and we’ve been through so much together. I won four World Championships with Joe, and that’s not something you let go of easily.”

The Yankees were apparently panicking at this latest news. “This is a really serious problem,” said GM Brian Cashman. “It’s one thing if people don’t want to see the product that we have on the field – we let guys like Alex Rodriguez and Jorge Posada and Roger Clemens and Mariano Rivera go, it’s understandable if nobody wants to watch Melky Cabrera. But it’s another matter entirely if people can’t even get into the game because there’s nobody here to take their tickets.”

Cashman said he envisioned lines of hundreds of people roaming randomly outside of the stadium, peering in through the slats, wishing they could get in with their pre-paid tickets, but being unable to.

“This is a crisis,” Cashman said. “This is awful. This is like when Reagan fired the air-traffic controllers, only worse – because there were other people out there who could be air traffic controllers.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!