USC routs Irish after God is unable to crash Trojan plane

SOUTH BEND, IN — Unable to stymie a roster full of All Americans, Notre Dame fell to USC this Saturday after God’s attempt to crashing the Trojan plane went unsuccessful. “We were soooooo close!” said a laughing Father Donovan, of the University of Notre Dame. “All week, the fathers and I prayed to the Lord for a little help. Plane crash, hotel fire, bathroom electrocution – we prayed for it all.” Bad weather in the South Bend area nearly granted the Priests’ prayers last Thursday, when the chartered plane carrying the USC football team and coaching staff began to plummet. Players were thrown from their seats during the chaos, and most believed they were going to die. “We would have been so blessed,” Notre Dame’s Father Goran told SSNN. “Our offense just can’t seem to do much this year. Coach Weiss and the players need our help – they can’t do it alone.” The USC win marked the sixth consecutive victory for the Trojans in the storied rivalry. “We’re getting closer,” beamed Father Matthews. “It’s only a matter of time before the Good Lord answers our prayers. The Holy Spirit has a funny way of balancing the scales.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!