U.S. hires Bill Belichick to clean up Iraq

BAGHDAD–Hoping to restructure and strengthen American and Iraqi Defenses, the US Government announced that it will send Bill Belichick to Iraq at the end of the NFL season. “The defense around Baghdad has been increasingly porous as of late,” General David Petraeus said. “Bill is a mastermind at making adjustments and plugging holes. He’s exactly what this country needs right now.” If Belichick finds success in Iraq, it would mark the third time he has achieved the impossible. In 1991 and 2002, Belichick coached defenses defeated heavily favored Buffalo and Saint Louis in the Super Bowl.

After struggling as Head Coach at Cleveland, Belichick has turned the once hapless Patriots into a dynasty and sees no reason why Iraq can’t be turned around. “I’m not looking to re-invent the wheel, I just want everyone to compete as a unit,” Bellichick told the media in a recent press conference. The new strategy will rely on toughness, physicality and discipline over speed and risk taking. Experts predict the US and Iraqi Military will have no problem picking up the revered Fairbanks-Bullough defensive system that the Patriots currently employ. Reports of Belichick bringing in Tedy Bruschi to anchor the American defense are unconfirmed.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!