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News Item

Tom Brady now favorite Son of The Almighty

BOSTON, MA — Seán Patrick Cardinal O’Malley, Archbishop of Boston, declared today that after watching a repeat of last weekend’s contest between the Patriots and the Dolphins, it has become clear to him that The Lord so loves the world that he has revealed New England Patriots quarter back Tom Brady as his favorite begotten son, replacing the former holder of the title, Jesus Christ.

“I had no doubt that in my mind after I saw him throw that flawless 50-yard pass to Randy Moss for a touchdown in the second quarter; our boy Thomas is The Lord’s favorite.”

Standing outside of the Archdiocese, O’Malley explained why The Lord might now be favoring Brady over Jesus: “You see, spreading a message of universal love and understanding is all well and good; and sure, turning water into wine is pretty impressive. But when’s the last time you saw Christ spread Satan’s defense? For centuries now, after being inducted to the Hall of Fame in the Heavens, he has left all the hard work to us – like an old coach, afraid of losing his job to the hot rookie coordinator. Thomas is out there – every Sunday, I might add – putting up stats no one has ever heard of, giving us hope for the redemption of Man every time he flashes that grin and takes a three-step drop.”

When asked about Brady’s apparent lack of traditional virtue and Biblical morality – the QB fathered a son out of wedlock with ex-girlfriend, actress Bridget Moynahan – the Archbishop told SSNN that, “His looks, stature, 27 touchdowns, 137.9 passer rating and 2,125 yards can’t send the message any louder: this is the son of God.”

Neither Brady, who is preparing with his team to face the Washington Redskins, nor Jesus could be reached for comment.

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Labels: Archbishop, Boston, Bridget Moynahan, God, Heaven, Jesus Christ, Miami Dolphins, New England Patriots, NFL, Randy Moss, Satan, Tom Brady, Washington Redskins

Posted on October 24th, 2007

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Other Related News Items

• Tom Brady to give first-born son to charity if Colts beat Pats (November 3, 2007)
• New Jersey moron actually thinks Brady might not play in Super Bowl (January 28, 2008)
• Tom Brady retired to stud (September 18, 2008)
• Brady enters Anna Nicole baby daddy drama (February 23, 2007)

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