Rams request mercy rule for future games

ST. LOUIS, MO — Following Sunday’s 33-6 loss to Seattle, the St. Louis Rams submitted a mercy rule application to NFL headquarters. The rarely-used rule states that should a team fall behind by more than two touchdowns, the game will end at the four minute mark of the third quarter. The Rams are hoping new Commissioner Roger Goodell recognizes the plight of their ineptitude and will rule in the team’s favor. Goodell would not comment on the Rams’ application, but anonymous inside sources told SSNN that, “the Commish has to do something about the Rams and Dolphins. Somebody’s gonna get killed out there.” The 2000 Super Bowl Champions have fallen on hard times of late, and in the words of owner Stan Kroenke: “We’re just looking for someone to cut us a break. There are World League teams that could beat us right now.” Injuries to QB Marc Bulger and star RB Steven Jackson have contributed to the team’s decline. The Rams front office reportedly first considered applying for mercy rule consideration when it became apparent that longtime NFL journeyman Gus Frerotte would have to start multiple games, but held off until the offense proved just as ineffective in Bulger’s return. When asked for comment, Frerotte admitted that he, too, is “stupefied” that he still earns an NFL paycheck.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!