Peterson signs endorsement deal with Roget’s

MINNEAPOLIS, MN — In addition to his tremendous on-field success and surging popularity in the Twin Cities, Adrian Peterson has a new, moderately lucrative endorsement deal to smile about.

According to recent reports, Roget’s Thesaurus has offered Peterson a multi-thousand dollar endorsement contract and a chance to be the company’s first pro-athlete spokesperson.

“Sales of our product have escalated enormously since Mr. Peterson has joined the NFL,” said Roget’s spokesperson Herbert Braudis. “Primarily, the sales have been clustered in the Land of 10,000 Lakes, as journalists, bloggers, and fans alike search for words to describe how absolutely sick and disgusting Mr. Peterson is – in a good way, I mean – as he stretches his supple legs across the gridiron.”

A perfect example of what is becoming known as “Peterson Syndrome” happened during Sunday’s game, at the home of lifelong Vikes fan Bob Thatcher, 47.

“Before the game, I called AP ‘phenomenal.’ After his first TD, ‘wondrous.’ His second TD run was ’singular,’ and the third one was ‘preternatural.’ Then he broke that return to set up the game-winning field goal, and when I opened my mouth, there were no more words. So I panicked.”

Thatcher ran to his bookshelf in the den, in hopes of quickly locating a thesaurus. However, it turned out that the Thatchers didn’t have one. “I missed the end of the game,” Thatcher said. “I was so pissed. After the game I went and bought a thesaurus for every room of the house. That mistake will never be made again – if a member of this family is in need of a synonym, one will be close at hand.”

In other homes around the Twin Cities, Peterson was called “fantastic” (17,224 times); “awesome” (34,772); unparalleled (867) and “unwonted” (4, all resulting in tremendous confusion).

Peterson was thrilled at the announcement of his endorsement deal. “Vocabulary, and the elusive quest for the perfect word, is an important thing,” Peterson said. “I am glad to be a part of the Twin Cities’ desire to be among the most cultured and refined municipal linkages in the nation. Bringing an abundance of thesaurii to the region will only hasten that inevitability. Me glad.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!