Main Menu

Home	About
Features	Submit
Facebook	MySpace
Friends	NSR
Contact	Mad-Libs
Archives	Gallery
Sponsors	Advertise
Subscribe	Jobs
SCNN	Pryzms

Go to Vividseats.com to get all hard-to-find Sports Tickets, including all NCAA Football Tickets , Basketball Tickets , Baseball Tickets , College Basketball Tickets , Tennis Tickets , PGA Tickets, NASCAR Tickets, NFL Tickets , and Super Bowl Tickets.

Get free NFL picks from PicksNFL.com
Wunderdog Sports is your source for football picks Get free football picks at TopTenCappers.com

Check out EnglishHarbour Network, the best and trusted online casino providing the online slots, table games and other casino games. Visit us for the best online gambling experience and great casino bonuses.

Cheap Sports Tickets
12 major suppliers
major mega $$$ choices
... Sports Ticket Depot

TOUTHOUSE.COM
MLB Betting Predictions, Free MLB Picks and Current Baseball Odds

Ticket Solutions
Sports Tickets
NFL
Baseball
Super Bowl
World Series
NCAA Tournament

See the DC United Playoffs with MLS tickets. All your other favorite sports events tickets are also at RazorGator.

Cheap Premium Tickets.com
Get tickets to your favorite sporting events including New York Giants tickets, Pittsburgh Steelers tickets, Detroit Red Wings tickets, Los Angeles Lakers tickets, San Francisco Giants tickets and more.

News Item

Patriot System™ makes starters almost unnecessary

BOSTON, MA — Several days after their complete destruction of the Cincinnati Bengals on Monday Night Football, the New England Patriots made a stunning announcement today. Coach Bill Belichick and owner Bob Kraft told a gathering of press that they only intend to play their starters for about two quarters per game, in an effort to save them for the playoffs.

“Obviously we don’t need these guys for the entire game,” Belichick told the media, ” No sense risking injury, so we are only going to play ‘Tom & The Gang’ – I came up with that nickname myself, by the way – for half of the game. Which quarters we play them will be decided as the game goes on. Probably the first, so we can just take a big lead and get our young guys some tick. But as the season goes on, maybe we’ll start with some scrubs and fall behind, just to make it interesting. Then Tommie and Randy and lead the comeback – you know, just to give the fans a little something different.”

When Kraft took the podium, he restated his belief in the Patriot System™ – “It’s our system – it’s just so awesome. I mean, look what we did with Randy Moss – attitude problem my ass! Because of our Patriot System™, we are confident we can put basically any scrub on the field and they’ll have the best game of their life. We’ve done it before and we will do it again. Hell, we may not need the starters at all for the rest of the season.”

As if to prove their point, Belichick and Kraft were replaced by homeless men that they reportedly grabbed off the street only minutes before the press conference. As expected, they did a wonderful job and made most media members forget that the actual Patriots’ brass had left. As Anderson Kyte – Belichick ’s replacement – said, “Ladies and gentlemen, I am proof that the Patriot System™ works. This morning they pulled me out of a drunken stupor and brought me here – twenty minutes later I am able to draw up zone blitzes and exotic five-wideout sets.”

In a handout given to all media members listing the benefits of the Patriot System™ – which Kyte said the team is selling “for eleventy bazillion dollars” – the team explicitly reserved the right to play “Tom & The Gang” for the entire game in any contest against the Colts and in the Super Bowl, if necessary.

If you’re new here, you may want to subscribe to our newsletter or RSS feed and get hilarious sports news every day. Thanks for visiting!

Labels: Bill Belichick, Cincinnati Bengals, Colts, Patriots, Randy Moss, Robert Kraft, Super Bowl, Tom Brady

Posted on October 4th, 2007

Got a headline idea? Click here to submit it... and be sure to visit our MySpace and/or Facebook pages!

Other Related News Items

• Belichick’s tearful admission: “I am actually homeless” (January 8, 2007)
• Bill Belichick runs up score against son in Madden (November 19, 2007)
• U.S. hires Bill Belichick to clean up Iraq (October 18, 2007)
• Patriots to sim rest of season on Madden ‘08 (November 11, 2007)

Link To This Post

<a target="_blank" href="http://www.serioussportsnewsnetwork.com/2007/10/patriot-system%c2%99-makes-starters-almost-unnecessary.html" title="Patriot System™ makes starters almost unnecessary">Patriot System™ makes starters almost unnecessary</a>

Comments

Be the first to leave a comment on this story below...

Leave A Comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Search Our Site

  

Subscribe to SSNN's Newsletter

Enter your Email

Check Out These Classics

• Patrick looks forward to winning again in a couple years
• O.J. disturbed by Vick’s admission
• Stern maintains no criminal acts by NBA referees
• “Dubya” pardons Canseco, McGwire, Palmeiro, Sosa
• Jones left behind after team picnic

Multimedia News

Vertical Soccer

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!

View Multimedia Archives...

Photo Gallery

Visit our Gallery for a full listing of images...

Featured News

• McCarver: I almost made it
• WNBA brawl punishments meted out
• Confused Shockey thinks he was traded to the Dolphins
• Cynth-Rod accuses Madonna of tampering
• Parcells swayed by 2010 sixth-rounder
• Older Featured News...

News In Brief

• NCAA to strip UCLA of at least seven titles
• Paige fervently contesting Around the Horn record
• Earnhardt regrets decision not to enter race
• Knight excited for opportunity to verbally abuse wife, grandchildren
• Clemens tells Congress same story as 60 Minutes, press
• Older News In Brief...

Get Free Sports Picks including March Madness Picks, Sports Betting Strategy and the 2008 March Madness Bracket From Doc's College Basketball handicappers

Want CHEAP sports tickets? From NASCAR tickets to WWE tickets, or Red Sox tickets, Final Four tickets to discount Super Bowl tickets, find great deals on all kinds of event tickets here.

Sports fans may not always be serious about their news, but they're serious about their tickets. For NBA Playoffs tickets or Raptors tickets in Toronto, or Cowboys tickets online, CTC has a serious selection of the best sports tickets on the web. Get NY Giants tickets and sold out Super Bowl tickets too!

Serious Online Sports Betting at BetUS - America's favorite Sportsbook. Bet on any sport - football, tennis, UFC, golf or basketball.

Pickspal.com
Football Picks
College Football Picks

Our Friends
Chicago Sports Review
Petition Nation
Arcade Popular Online Games
More Popular Online Games
UsJobsFromHome.com
Webmaster Adventure.com

MTC Tickets
Sold Out Events Tickets
Justin Timberlake Tour
American Idol Seats
Broadway Theater Tickets
Sold Out Sports Tickets
Hot Concert Tickets
March Madness Tickets

Golf is at its finest with Masters Tickets, while other historically important Sports Tickets like the Kentucky Derby Packages, and NFL Super Bowl Tickets are always hard to come by!