One day in jail enough to teach Mike Nifong about rape, says inmate

DURHAM, NC — Prisoners at a local North Carolina prison have indicated that one day should be more than enough time to teach former Durham County District Attorney Mike Nifong all that he needs to know about rape.

“One day should be plenty,” said Jermaine “Bubba” Martin, 27. “Little Mikey is going to go back to Durham and he’s going to be able to tell everyone exactly what rape means.”

The confusion stems from a rape accusation Nifong leveled against three Duke University lacrosse players last year. The charges against the players were later dropped, when it was realized that none of the players had even had sex with the alleged victim, let alone raped her.

“We thought perhaps Mr. Nifong did not fully understand the nature of the term ‘rape,’” said Dr. Gina Bretton, a criminal psychologist in the area. “While the one-day prison sentence imposed on Mr. Nifong is largely symbolic, the inmates at the Durham County Correctional Facility have very graciously offered to make it a sort of educational visit for the former District Attorney. And we appreciate it.”

There was no word as to exactly how the sessions would take place, but Martin assured the public that Nifong would emerge from the day in jail a changed man.

“We’re going to do what it takes to teach his lilywhite ass a thing or two,” Martin said. “If it takes two lessons, then it takes two lessons. If it takes three lessons, then it takes three lessons. I’m not really sure we can do much more than three lessons in one day, but we’ll figure it out. I assure you, he will walk the face of the earth differently after meeting me.”

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