Mechanic loses all credibility with lack of NASCAR knowledge

ASHEVILLE, NC — Local mechanic Johnny Danson’s business is absolutely reeling this week after a stunning revelation about his limited knowledge of NASCAR.

Danson Auto Body and Repair has seen a 28% drop in business in the past three weeks, since it became known to residents of this tight-knit community that Danson really knows very little about NASCAR, and doesn’t follow the sport closely at all.

“I was in there talking about the Bristol race a few weeks ago,” said Jake Taylor, 31, also of Asheville. “I was talking about the sick move that the 20 car put on the 8 around turn three, and Johnny says, ‘Yeah, Jeff Gordon is really good.’ I go, ‘Huh? What the hell does Jeff Gordon have to do with the 20 car and the 8 car?’ Johnny just sort of looked at me, and I realized – he doesn’t even know what car number Jeff Gordon drives! I’ll never take my car there again. God knows how he’s mangled my engine.”

Apparently word got out about Taylor’s experience with Danson, but many Asheville residents refused to believe that their trusted mechanic could be such an impostor.

“I didn’t believe it at first,” said Marissa Tentul, 23. “I went in their and asked him straight to his face what car Carl Edwards drives on the NEXTEL series, and he looked like he was thinking real hard, and then said ’sixty.’ Edwards drives the 60 car on the Busch series, not the NEXTEL series. And I think even that was a guess.”

Danson said he’s trying desperately to learn the numbers, but that it may be a classic example of too little, too late. “By the time I get this stuff down, my business may be ruined entirely,” he told SSNN. “And who knows, I may never get it down completely. Did you know that there’s two dudes who both have the number seven? That’s right, one guy is 07, and one guy is just 7. Insane. How the hell are you ever supposed to learn them all?”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!