Injury to keep fantasy owner out for the season

SHREVEPORT, LA — Things have gone from bad to worse for Lance Daniels. Despite a victory last week in a crucial game, the owner of the Big Test Icicles will spend the rest of the season on the sidelines.

“I was celebrating LaDainian Tomlinson’s fourth touchdown run against the Raiders on Sunday,” Daniels said. “It cemented a much-needed victory for me, and my joy carried me to the next level. Unfortunately, my body wasn’t ready for that next level.”

Daniels’ brother and fellow owner in Yahoo! Fantasy League 276453, Jerry Daniels, described the rest of incident.

“[Lance] decided to do this Gramatica-esque celebration, and he landed awkwardly,” Jerry explained. “He immediately went for his ACL and started screaming. He blacked out from the pain after about two minutes.”

The damage to Lance’s knee was compounded by the slowness of the reaction by Lance’s wife Cheryl, who responded with “Keep it down in there, the kids are napping!” instead of immediately bringing ice. Apparently, it took Cheryl Daniels more than four minutes to respond to the situation, and then only by flinging a bag of frozen peas and carrots at her cowering husband.

Lance said that doctors told him on Tuesday he would be out for 6 to 8 months, ending his season. He said that despite his early exit, he isn’t that disappointed about the end of the season.

“You know, I didn’t really do my homework this year,” Lance said. “I knew I had the number one pick and I figured LT was good for 40 or 50 points a game and I could surround him with scrubs. But he’s struggled and I’m only 3-3 this year, so whatever. Next year I’m going to come in healthy, and ride Adrian Peterson all year long.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!