Henry fiasco gets stranger, suspension imminent

DENVER, CO — Denver Broncos running back Travis Henry’s career has taken yet another strange twist, an SSNN investigation revealed on Wednesday.

The NFL granted Henry’s request for a drug test to be taken using his hair samples, but according to a source with the league the test did not go as planned.

“It was a disaster,” the source said. “Mr. Henry showed up to the test with a shaved head and informed the nurse that she would have to get a sample ‘from downstairs.’ When the nurse came back she said she felt funny, and a test later revealed that she was in fact pregnant. Needless to say, the league is planning to suspend Mr. Henry for inappropriate behavior.”

Henry said in a phone interview with SSNN that he should not be blamed for the pregnancy. He also elegantly pointed out that his “curlies ain’t positive for no weed.”

“Why should I be punished for knocking up that nurse?” said Henry, who has nine children with nine different women. “Any woman that gets within five feet of my man juice is probably gonna get pregnant; she should’ve know that.”

Henry added that the shaved head was a simple misunderstanding.

“Man, I was so high when I got my head shaved – I forgot I had that test coming up,” he said.

Henry’s teammates were quick to defend the running back.

“Sure, I’m glad that I’m the starting running back now,” said Henry’s backup, Selvin Young. “But I’m much more concerned with keeping Travis away from my sister. Now that he’s not playing football, I imagine he’ll be impregnating women full-time.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!