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News Item

God to smite first-born sons of Yankees

CLEVELAND, OH — Shifting into the final phase of Operation Destroy Yankees, God announced after Friday night’s game that he plans on killing the first-born son of each Yankee’s family.

On Friday night, God sent a swarm of Canadian Soldiers – a form of gnat-like flying ant – to destroy the Yankees. However, as the series was not mathematically able to be ended after Friday night’s game, God felt that he needed something more dramatic for the coup de grâce of his operation.

“I have previously communicated to the members of the Tribe (get it? Tribe! Ha!) that they ought to put some sort of mark on their homes, so that they can be skipped over during my death raid Saturday night,” God told SSNN in an exclusive interview. “I will smite the first-born child of each Yankee, and as such their concentration will be completely destroyed on Sunday, thereby paving the way for a victory for my chosen squadron of the Indians as they march toward the pennant.”

God did indicate that he would not smite any members of the family of Andy Pettitte, stating, “I’m pretty sure he’s Jewish, even though he’s from Louisiana.”

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Labels: Andy Pettitte, Cleveland Indians, gnats, God, Judaism, MLB, New York Yankees, plagues, playoffs

Posted on October 6th, 2007

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Other Related News Items

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• Yankee fans who hated Girardi as a player expect to hate him as manager (November 5, 2007)
• Michigan nabs early commitment (April 17, 2007)

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