Gainesville Presbyterian church now “First Church of Tebow”

GAINESVILLE, FL — The legend of Tim Tebow grew even larger this week when a local Gainesville Church formerly known as the “First Presbyterian Church of Gainesville” officially changed its name to the “First Church of Tebow.”

Tebow mania has spread across the state of Florida as the sophomore phenom continues to amaze college football fans with his unique style and domination on the gridiron. Once a popular Presybterian place of worship adorned with traditional religious decor, the church is now garnished with Tebow baby pictures, P.E. gym shorts, perfect report cards and Pop Warner trophies honoring the divine pigskin idol.

University of Florida students were elated with the announcement:

“Tebow is GOD!” screamed Florida freshman, Jake Ramsay.

“I want to have his children!” screamed Kathryn Woodard, a junior.

The “First Church of Tebow” has also erected an eight-foot Tebow statue at the center altar. On the Friday before games, worshippers flock to the statue to rub it for good luck. Rumors have quickly circulated, suggesting that if a person makes a wish while rubbing the marble thigh pad, it will be granted.

Pastor Justin Johnston feels the change was the right thing to do and hopes the Church’s new name and philosophy will attract more Gator fans and students on Sundays.

“We’ve waited a long time for his coming, and the day has finally arrived. The great, exalted Tebow may only be here for a short time, and we intend to celebrate this great period as it happens.” Johnston said. “I mean, the Romans really missed the boat on Christ – failed to worship him while he was around. We’re not going to make that mistake with Timmy.”

Sunday services will continue at their schedule times of nine, eleven and twelve – thirty. However, Saturday’s evening service – usually slated for 5:30 – will not be confirmed until Church officials receive the SEC Saturday night TV schedule at the beginning of each week.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!