Dolphins lured to London in demotion ruse

LONDON, ENGLAND — The Miami Dolphins were held in London today after their Sunday loss to the New York Giants, and are expected to be relegated to the second division, in accordance with the English football league system, NFL officials reported.

English football clubs compete in a promotion and relegation system, where good clubs can rise to the top of the structure and bad clubs are transferred to a lower division. League officials were willing to listen to the National Football League’s proposal to demote the Dolphins to a lower division – any division.

“The NFL is trying to reach an international audience; and international audiences, especially the British, are used to seeing bad clubs descend to a lower division. It’s part of their enjoyment of the game,” said NFL commissioner Roger Goodell. “We do what our fan base demands.”

Team officials have kept quiet, but some Dolphin players seem intrigued by the prospect.

“We can’t win in America, and we can’t win here against the Giants,” said defensive end Jason Taylor, “but maybe we can find a way to beat teams closer to our level, like Plymouth Argyle or Scunthorpe United.”

There is no official word yet on whether the Dolphins would still play their home games in Miami – a potential logistical nightmare – but sources indicate the team would relocate to England and be known as the Hereforshire Fishsticks.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!