Colt McCoy to change name

AUSTIN, TX — Last year he was the future of Texas football. He had a great arm and good mobility, and he was a smart decision-maker. It was simply a bonus that he was the owner of the coolest football name, possibly ever. This year Colt McCoy is none of those things, and soon he won’t even be Colt McCoy.

The Longhorns announced on Tuesday that McCoy has decided to change his name. The sophomore quarterback said through his representatives that he was no longer worthy of “arguably the greatest quarterback name in existence.” McCoy himself was not available for comment.

The one-time McCoy has thrown nine interceptions in only five games this season, two more than he had all of last year. He threw four picks against Kansas State on Saturday, vomited on the sideline and was removed from the game because of a slight concussion.

“I support my guys, but when I think about a guy named Colt McCoy, I don’t think about interceptions and vomiting,” said Longhorn head coach and equally cool-named Mack Brown. “The concussions I can kinda see, but all the mediocrity and tomfoolery is simply not Colt McCoy-ish behavior.”

Brown said he has spoken with McCoy since his decision to change his name, and that the two have been throwing around some potential new names.

“Well, Joey Harrington and Rex Grossman were both taken, so we seriously considered Joey Grossman,” Brown said. “But we also want some history here, so then we thought we might go with Andre Ware Marinovich. I guess we really didn’t settle on anything in particular – it was more of just a brainstorm; a bullpen session, if you will.”

Brown said that while they still haven’t decided on a name, they do have a leader in the clubhouse.

“What says disappointing Longhorn quarterback like Chris Simms? Sure, it’s been done, but it seems so appropriate.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!