British crowd expected 10-foot men playing soccer against sea mammals

LONDON, ENGLAND — Tens of thousands of British sports fans are demanding their money back after attending the Giants–Dolphins game on Sunday at Wembley stadium. Confusion arose when many of the fans discovered that the Giants were not actually oversized humanoids, and the Dolphins were also normal humans and not the sea creatures represented in the Miami team’s logo. Americans attending the game feared for their safety as boos echoed throughout Wembley. “They were pissed – and not just because they expected a different kind of football,” said Casey Walker of Fort Myers, Fla. “I’m not sure how they thought actual dolphins would play soccer, but when they saw Cleo Lemon run out of the tunnel, I thought they were going to start World War 3.” Stadium security tried unsuccessfully to explain the confusion to fans, but were largely unsuccessful. “That bugger Eli Manning is barely two meters tall. Giant my arse,” bellowed one enraged attendee. “Gimme my 40 quid back!” NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell vowed to better explain the concept of mascots to foreign fans for any future NFL games played outside the United States.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!