Bengals caught riotting day after loss to Steelers

CINCINNATI, OH — The Cincinnati Bengals disappointing season went from bad to worse yesterday when players took to the streets and rioted following Sunday’s loss to division rival Pittsburgh.

“I’ve never seen anything like it,” Cincinnati Policeman Robert Theiss told SSNN. “The whole offensive line was flipping cars over, the secondary were lighting stuff on fire! It was nuts.”

The riots are just another black eye for a team that has seen a disturbing number of players encounter legal troubles over the last several years.

“I’m extremely disappointed with this ball club,” said Bengals Head Coach Marvin Lewis. “We give up too many points on defense, we turn the ball over, and now we’ve got guys throwing bricks into the windows of Circuit City and walking out with Plasmas. I’m at a loss for words, to tell you the truth.”

In a puzzling act of criminal stupidity, the Bengals players actually wore their jerseys while rioting and looting.

“I wasn’t sure what Tab Perry looked like until I saw him on the security camera with the #88 jersey,” Patrolman John Ramsay told SSNN. “It reminded me of the scene in White Men Can’t Jump when the guy robs the bus with his monogrammed jacket on – you know what I’m talking about?”

It’s unknown what penalties the NFL will hand down for the Bengals’ organization, but inside sources suggest that multiple suspensions are imminent.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!