Zambrano announces new ‘boo’ promotion

CHICAGO, IL — Carlos Zambrano called a surprise press conference Saturday evening to announce his latest venture, “Big Z’s Boo Promotion.” The Cubs’ pitcher told a gathering of reporters that – for a small nominal fee – he will show up at any fan’s place of business and bombard them with boo’s until they are replaced with a relief worker.

Naperville resident and life-long Cubs fan Bo Gillespie was fortunate enough to serve as a test subject for the promotion.

“Well, it was actually pretty annoying,” said Gillespie, 27, who works at an association management firm in Winnetka. “I kept on messing up my TPS reports, and my boss would not get off my case. It’s hard to remember the cover sheet when some asshole is yelling at you.”

Zambrano said he hopes this promotion goes smoother than his previous one, “Big Z’s Dugout Brawl.” In that promotion, Zambrano offered to get into a heated argument with the participant before repeatedly pummeling him or her in the face.

“This is just my way of giving back to the wonderful Cubbie fans,” Zambrano said. “Little things like this are what they live for – it’s not like they’ve won anything in the past century.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!