Thome just happy 500^th homer wasn’t boring

CHICAGO, IL — Jim Thome’s walk-off 500^th homer left the Sunday afternoon U.S. Cellular field crowd in hysterics, the White Sox victorious, and the slugging superstar relieved.

“I just didn’t want it to be boring,” Thome said. “I didn’t want it to be your run-of-the-mill 500th homer that’s happened 22 times before in human history. I wanted to give the fans something to talk about.”

Thome had passed up a number of chances to hit number 500 earlier. “I kept coming up and I would think to myself, ‘Is Joe Baseball Fan going to tell his grandkids about this?’ Too often, the answer was no,” Thome said. “So I would try and draw a walk, because I didn’t want to accidentally hit a lame-ass solo bomb in the second inning of a game that we ultimately end up losing, you know?”

When he finally did poke the milestone dinger, Thome was mobbed by his teammates and feted by the fans, and the positive reinforcement went a long way.

“You know, in a way we are artists,” Thome said. “I mean, we don’t use paintbrushes or crayons, but we’re artists just the same. We put ourselves out there with things that we think are cool or funny, and we can only hope that the fans like them. Well, in this case they did, and I am really thrilled about that.”

Thome plans to keep playing, and has already begun to think about what a 600th homer might warrant.

“I have a few ideas stewing,” Thome said. “In a lot of my ideas, one or two people have to die. But it’s a 600^th homer. That’s happened, what five or six times? So I think the fans will understand. Well, except the dead ones, of course.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!