Ten of 150 WWE wrestlers test positive for steroids; other 140 to be tested next week

STAMFORD, CT — In a stunning development, ten wrestlers for the WWE tested positive for steroids Tuesday, with the wrestling organization announcing that the other 140 wrestlers would be tested positively next week.

“We are saddened at the results of our first round of drug testing for the summer, and we’ll be immediately suspending ten wrestlers,” said Vince McMahon. “But the day got away from us, and we were only able to positively test 10 wrestlers, and we’ll have to do the rest next week.”

In the wake of WWE star Chris Benoit’s grisly double murder suicide, the WWE is cracking down harder than ever on steroids. The old WWE steroids test, in which Vince McMahon smells a wrestler’s breath to see if it smells like steroids, is not even being used anymore, as the organization has adopted a more modern testing policy.

The policy is called the “Look at this freaking guy, and decide if he is on steroids plan” (LATFGADIHIOSP), and McMahon said the policy correctly identified the ten wrestlers suspended this week. However, McMahon stated that the group ran out of time, and that they’ve rescheduled the testing for next Wednesday.

“It’s difficult to perform an LATFGADIHIOSP test on 150 guys in the same day,” McMahon said. “Look, we tried. And we’ll try again. We hope to examine at least 50 guys next week. And we’ll keep doing it, until we’re pretty sure that there’s no steroids in the WWE.

“After all, what is an organization, without its credibility?”