Randy Moss excited to come out of retirement

FOXBORO, MA — “Lots of people don’t think of it that way, but Oakland’s a great place to retire to,” Randy Moss told SSNN in reference to his years as an Oakland Raider. “I could just kick back and not try. I mean, I didn’t try at practice, I didn’t try during the games… Heck, I didn’t even give it my all during the National Anthem. I just hummed.” Patriots head coach Bill Belichick was asked how he could tell Moss wasn’t washed up, and was simply in temporary retirement – “Spy cams,” the coach responded. “If you saw Randy running off the field at halftime, or to his car after a game, you could see the speed was still there. And all you had to do was see him at a strip club catching a pair of tearaway crotchless panties to know his hands were still big league.” When asked if it bothered his conscience to collect a check for doing nothing, Moss offered to pay for psychiatric help for the reporter. The controversial wideout did add that he will be co-authoring a self-help book entitled, Screw ‘Em Until You Get Your Way. “I’m all about sharing,” Moss said, smiling.

Submitted by a member of ijoke.tv.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!