NFL reviews confiscated tape, won’t penalize Pats

NEW YORK, NY — Almost as soon as the spy camera scandal began, the National Football League put it bed. A source close to the league said that after careful review of the tape, the NFL will not penalize the New England Patriots and that the team did nothing wrong.

On Monday, NFL security confiscated a camera and tape from a Patriots employee that some in the Jets organization felt was being used to spy on their sideline. According to the league source, the Jets spoke with the NFL soon after their review of the tape and the team accepted the league’s decision.

“It was immediately obvious that it wasn’t a spy cam,” the league source said. “In fact, it was just three hours of Tom Brady’s ass.”

The cameraman in question spoke to SSNN on the condition of anonymity.

“I just don’t want my wife to find out,” he said. “Last year I finally convinced her that watching football while I was naked was normal. She would totally divorce me if she found out about this.”

The cameraman did say that he noticed something interesting about the Patriots quarterback’s backside, though.

“I don’t want to start anymore drama, but I am pretty sure I saw a New York Yankees tattoo on his right cheek,” he said. “Hey Bostonians, don’t shoot the perverted cameraman messenger.”