Millions of "die-hard" Red Sox fans celebrate no-hitter by "some dude"

BOSTON, MA — Millions of die-hard Red Sox fans took to the streets this week to celebrate a no-hitter thrown by Clay Buchholz in the rookie’s second-ever major league start.

“Yeah, some dude named Clay something – Buckman, I think – threw a no-hitter,” said Peter O’Connor, 28, of South Boston. “His stuff was wicked nasty, or at least that’s how it seemed on the SportsCenter highlights.”

Mario Petrocelli, who describes himself as the “Biggest Red Sox fan in the world,” says he’s been a fan of Buchholz for a long time. “Pretty much since he’s been in the big leagues, I’ve been a huge supporter of his,” Petrocelli said. “It’s nice, you know, when a guy burts on to the scene, and you never even have heard of him, and then all of a sudden he’s throwing no-hitters. Pretty excellent.”

Red Sox GM Theo Epstein explained that the love of Buchholz by the Boston fan base is yet another reason why they’re the greatest, most loyal, most knowledgeable fans in baseball.

“I’ve got people coming up to me for days now congratulating me on getting Buchholz in the fold,” Epstein said. “They understand what’s going on. It’s nice to have a fan base that is wise enough to recognize the value of a player – and after only two major league starts.”

There is much empirical evidence to support Boston’s love for its newfound hero, but perhaps none more compelling than the fact that, according to Yahoo! sports, over 100,000 people in the Boston area have mistakenly picked up Taylor Buchholz of the Colorado Rockies, either confusing him with their local phenom, or (for the more educated fans) mistakenly believing that he is the brother of the Red Sox new star.

“If he’s half as good as his brother, then I’m in good shape,” said Petrocelli, who puts himself in the second group. “With Clay pitching so well, it’s going to help Taylor also. Family is important.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!