Johnnie Cochran to represent OJ Simpson from beyond the grave

LAS VEGAS, NV — Distinguished and dead attorney Johnnie Cochran announced Friday that he will be taking over the defense of legendary running back – and accused murderer – O.J. Simpson in his most recent legal troubles. A noticeably pallid Cochran told media and onlookers from the steps of a Las Vegas courthouse that, “These allegations that have been levied against my client are, without question, incommunicateable.”

The charges to which the erstwhile late attorney alluded to stem from a September 14^th incident, in which Simpson allegedly broke into a room at the Palace Station Casino in Las Vegas and, along with several other men, used a deadly weapon to steal sports memorabilia. Simpson continues to maintain his innocence, saying he stole the memorabilia because, “It originally belonged to me.”

According to Mr. Cochran, “This incident is absolutely riddled with conspiratorial possibilities. First of all, how can a man break into a casino? The door is wide open, with big lights that say things like, ‘Step Inside’ and ‘Over 18 Welcome.’ Sounds to me like the management of this establishment was actually inviting Mr. Simpson into the casino. This entire ordeal is a stupendiforous outrage, and I personally hold the Palace Station Casino and the Las Vegas Police Department 100% responsible for this cataclysmic embarrassment of my client.”

The deceased Cochran left the press with a final thought, before returning to the dark abyss of the underworld – “The police have yet to recover any of the sports memorabilia in question. If the memorabilia is not in hand, then you must release the man.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!