Griese excited about opportunity, promises mediocrity

CHICAGO, IL — Only hours after being named as the starter for Sunday’s game with the Detroit Lions, Bears quarterback Brian Griese made a bold prediction the remainder of the season.

“I promise to lead this team forward into mediocrity,” Griese said. “I’m talking somewhere between 7-9 wins, no problem. I understand that Chicago fans didn’t know what to expect out of Rex, but they can trust me when I say that I will be consistently average to below-average.”

The University of Michigan product, who is in his tenth NFL season, has started for the Denver Broncos, Miami Dolphins and Tampa Bay Buccaneers. He appeared in the 2000 Pro Bowl as a Bronco.

Bears management was thrilled with Griese’s statement, and head coach Lovie Smith said he has already begun practicing the phrase, “Brian Griese is our quarterback.”

“Brian is really the prototypical Bears quarterback when you think about it,” said general manager Jerry Angelo. “He’ll drive our fans insane with what we like to call ‘incessant mundaneness.’ It’s the number one quality we look for when we bring a quarterback into our system.”

Angelo was so inspired by Griese’s promise that he even made one of his own.

“How about this – I promise Griese will succeed this year,” he said. “Not only will he be average, he will be unbelievably average. Welcome to Bears football!”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!