Dale Earnhardt Jr. tricks step-mother, will retain Number Eight

MANASSAS, VA — In a brilliant move of mathematical deception, Dale Earnhardt, Jr. arranged to retain his trademark number eight car in the 2008 NASCAR Nextel Cup/Sprint Cup series.

“I was sitting there thinking to myself how much I hate my stepmomma, and how much I wish I could figure out some sort of way to keep my number,” Earnhardt Jr. told SSNN during a recent visit to the Bull Run battlefield. “Then I remembered what daddy always said: ‘Fractions make the world go round.’ So I thought to myself, ‘That’s it! I’ll use fractions!’”

Earnhardt checked with NASCAR, and there is no regulation against using fractions, so the plan seems to be in go-forward mode.

“I’ll be driving the twenty-four thirds Budweiser Chevrolet, and I feel like it’s going to be a great car for me,” Earnhardt said. “Also, for the restrictor plate races in Talladega, I’ll be in the two-cubed car, which is going to be epic.”

Teresa Earnhardt didn’t seem to be fazed by Dale Jr.’s creativity.

“So, wait, what now?” she asked, when informed of Dale Jr.’s mathematical mystery. “I’m not sure I understand. There’s only one way to make eight, and that’s by drawing a snowman. And DEI owns that number. You can’t just put a bunch of numbers on the side of a car and tell people that it’s eight. Besides, on that one car, he’s just got 23 written on it, and twenty-three is sure not eight.”

Dale Earnhardt, Jr. seemed thrilled to hear of his stepmother’s issues with the new plan. “If she’s having trouble with those,” he said, “the seven-point-nine-repeating car is going to fucking rock her world.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!