Autopsy reveals damage in Benoit’s brain

ATLANTA, GA — Professional wrestler Chris Benoit suffered from head trauma that was likely a result of repeated concussions and could have contributed to the murder/suicide involving the wrestler and his family earlier this year. Esteemed neurologist Dr. Nick Riviera spoke at a press conference on Wednesday and gave a startling account of what doctors found inside the wrestler’s brain.

“Mr. Benoit’s brain suffered from diseases that I have never seen,” Riviera said. “We found Jose Canseco – busily writing his new book – actually inside of his brain. I wish I could say I am exaggerating, or using hyperbole, but I’m not. He said if I told anyone he was in there, he would tell the world I took steroids with him in a locker room in 1987. He thinks people will just believe whatever he says after Juiced.”

Canseco and his camp released a statement late on Wednesday denying any involvement in the Benoit murders. Riviera said that at this time there is no telling whether Canseco played a role in the tragedy.

“We found some used needles in there, but Mr. Canseco is refusing to talk about them right now,” Dr. Riviera said. “He said everyone will just have to wait for his new book to come out.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!