Atlanta residents stunned as Hawks announce 07-08 schedule

ATLANTA, GA — In an absolutely stunning development, the Atlanta Hawks have announced an NBA schedule for the 2007-2008 season, stunning many Atlanta residents who were certain that the team was no longer in existence.

“To be honest, I had no idea we still had a team,” said Michael Martin, 27. “Do we still have Spud Webb?”

The Hawks were one of the league’s worst teams last season – and for a number of seasons prior – and promise to be a less-than-stellar franchise this year as well. Nevertheless, the team has planned a full 82-game schedule, complete with cheerleaders, uniforms, and a trampoline-using, basketball-dunking man dressed in an animal costume.

Hawks star Joe Johnson also indicated that there had been some question as to whether the Hawks would be back for the 07-08 season. “Among the players, we really didn’t know,” Johnson said. “To be safe, I booked a cruise to the Caribbean for November. So I guess I’ll probably have to cancel that. This is a good sign from the commissioner’s office. It’s a vote of confidence – Hawks basketball is here to stay.”