Zambrano’s contract contains unusual "Barrett" clause

CHICAGO, IL — Carlos Zambrano’s new contract contains an unusual clause, labeled the Barrett clause, where he gets to beat up former Cubs catcher once a season.

In a giant Battle Royale of all MLB players, who would win?
	Carlos Zambrano
	Ryan Howard
	Ichiro Suzuki (ninja)
	Carlos Lee
	Bobby Jenks
	Prince Fielder
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The contract states, in clause 7.a.2, that “ZAMBRANO has right to kick the ever-loving shit out of Michael Barrett, presently property of the San Diego Padres, not to exceed one time per season. Date and location of event is at ZAMBRANO’s discretion, and will take place at a location to be determined. CHICAGO CUBS will do whatever is reasonably within their power to bring event to fruition.”

The clause goes on to state that Zambrano should use his judgment and try and destroy Barrett at a time when Zambrano is not pitching well, so it can have the added effect of jump-starting his season.

Barrett could not be reached about the unusual clause, though Padres officials reportedly are asking MLB whether this is a legal endeavor. Cubs officials were ecstatic about the clause. “Some people want tickets or nicer hotel rooms; Carlos just wants to pound Michael Barrett’s face in. And you know what? Carlos is the ace of our staff, and one of the outstanding members of this team, so we want him to pound in Barrett’s face as well,” said Cubs GM Jim Hendry.

Zambrano, reached by email, is “V. Excited” about the prospects of this clause and is reportedly considering taking Brazilian Jujitsu training prior to the start of next season, so he can “really bust that [guy] up.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!